Soup League Week 11
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To the brothers of Soup League, please allow me to humbly extend my most sincere and profound apologies. I failed to write a power rankings for week 10. I, your most loyal journalist, have allied myself amongst the sin of sloth. Fret not, for I have broken my chains and now return to creating content of the utmost humble cleverness. Let us proceed.
1. Illini Pantry Bandits
A tough loss to the DuFriendGroupLeader wasn't how manager Goro the Gleeful planned to spend his weekend. However, there are TWO reasons the Bandits coach should NOT be losing sleep over this loss. Reason one: he's about to face Jeep Repair and lose again, so worry about this next loss and save yourself some time. Reason two: the safe, local comfort provided by the ambiance of Wilmette.
2. Rick's Bricks
I hate writing out this teams name. The Bricks went into Cary and gave Carmela Heinisch a good ass slapping, as our sources say has been a common occurrence so far this season. Her ass has been slapped so many times it's the color of Anton's face after 3 ice picks. Redder than hell. The Bricks stampede to Kank for a matchup with the struggling Diggers. The bad news? The Bricks will be missing Tee Higgins tonight. Being the 22nd overall pick, you figure it's a massive loss for the teams production this week.
3. Jim Rub's Gynecologists
If you all recall, I expertly placed the 3-5 Gynecologists at 4, letting you all know Dan Piñata's team is on the come up. CeeDee Lamb has been going insane, mostly because I traded him away in another league, which means he then goes insane and I get fleeced. As is life. Coach Piñata told me they made their team slogan in honor of him. "Jim Rub's here to CeeDee's labia's". Touching moment from a tight knit team.
4. NPC Juns
The Juns douchebagishly defeated the beast Jeep Repair thanks to Javonte "puss" Williams late touchdown. With no Kelce I might add. Then I got fucking owned by Kathy Beans and the other two speds! And I lost by one point in fantasy basketball that same night. As you can see I don't have much to say about this team, they don't look beast on paper but whatever. Fuck them
5. Hustonville Jeep Repair
I think my squad is coming back to reality here to be honest. There was no real reason for Adam Thielen to be that good. Obi-jan Kenobi sucks ass Arthur Smith is Hamas, it's not great. However we shall lay our lives on the line against these stupid Bandits. I walk the valley of Mette and fear no evil.
6. Ric's Yummy Tummy
A hard fought win over the Bandits was big for this team and their fans, as 87 more New Lenox residents overdosed on heroine on Monday night celebrating. Yummy Tummy continues to lead his men forward from the past fraud allegations, as they have picked up 3 in a row. The lineup is so wildly ass, yet dangerous. A team to watch out for
7. 63rd Kingston Hypes
The Hypes take 7th purely based on Keenan Allen's ability to drop 45 any given Sunday. If this guy sets his lineup, you better say your prayers. He's either dropping 79 or 179. You just gotta roll the dice and hope for the best when these speds come into town.
8. Kank Kunka's
Extremely tough loss this week for the Kunks, as an unexpected set back delays their playoff push. Nevertheless, you simply cannot count out a team that still has Roschon Johnson on the bench. He's a wild card, he obeys no rules known to man. The only thing he needs to worry about is getting earmuff's for when Hull comes and ***** and ****** ******** ** **** to Carmela this weekend.
9. Kankakee Diggers
How the mighty have come to rest. The diggers are on a 4 game losing streak, plummeting down the standings as playoff hopes begin to dwindle. Every time AJ Dillon carries the ball another blood vessel bursts in McFleecely's eye. He really gotta hit beast mode if he wanna get in these yoffs, son....
10. Carmela Heinisch
Here she is, Carmela. Trading away Davante in desperation for improvement, the team is still loaded with talent. I personally blame the coach if this team can't succeed. Don't Neva eva trust someone from jersey...
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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