Japanese tourist kidnapped and pretzeled by Iraqian soldiers.
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He was touring Tokyo, Japan and got shot in the leg. As this was happening, they grabbed him and shoved him head-first into his socks. As they twisted him into a pretzel, he toe-flicked the soldier in the ear, to which the soldier retorted, "???? ??? ?????? ????" (Go flick yourself). The soldier than proceeded to grab his back and crack it, resulting in the breaking of the Japanese man's spine. But as it turns out, he was Superman in disguise and acquired a futuristic Any-Power machine that gives you every superpower ever. He used it to turn into steel and supersonic punch him in the gut. The iraqian soldier threw up on the floor and then collapsed. But, as he collapsed, he said one last request in English: "Go to this website... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ" and exhaled his last breath.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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