VP Pence named coronavirus ‘czar’ - orders men not to dine with women
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In his first bold act as the Trump Administration’s new coronavirus ‘czar’, US Vice President Mike Pence has ordered men not to dine with women, “especially if they are attractive and unmarried”. The VP identified this measure as the lynchpin of the Administration's defence against the spread of the virus. “Women, especially those of the young and nubile variety, are well known vectors of both disease and sin,” said Pence at a hastily arranged news conference. “I’ve been avoiding them all my life”, he added “and look how healthy and godly I am.”
The disease control strategy is aimed to work on two levels, first by reducing opposite sex contact which could
lead to disease-transmitting intimacy, and second, by “pleasing the all-seeing all-knowing eye of God” so that “He will protect godly men from the vicissitudes of disease, lust, damnation and heartbreak brought upon them by faithless feminist Jezebels and Delilahs.” The VP explained his view that the virus was brought down upon mankind by “foreign godless communistic unholy and bestial interactions with strange animals that ought to be extinct.”
Pence’s office has already labelled coronavirus a sexually transmitted disease, the first step required to appropriate all federal and state funding for planned parenthood and state-level sexual education and redirect it to “coronavirus-fighting Christian warrior missionaries” operating covertly in Iran, China and Italy.
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